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(This post comes from some of my learnings from P – often I tend let silences creep into my closest relationships and friendships – and must eventually write them off – more due to a constant bottling up of thoughts and feelings, than because there is something inherently bad about the person. Strange how someone who stands only a few centimeters from your shoulder, can sometimes feel light years away from you!)
On the other side of me, there is you
And an endless space, that stretches betwixt us
A sullen silence that chills the air and our hearts
Stiffens the mind with things gone wrong.
On the other side of anger, there is disappointment
Being let down on expectations I have from you
Realising that you have stepped down from the perfect pedestal
Where I placed you in ignorance and worshipped you.
On the other side of resentment, there is assumption
Searching for meanings in stilted conversations
Aggravating situations, reading too deep
Accumulating and holding, hurting and brooding.
Yet, on the other side of temper, there is resignation
An acknowledgement that you are a good soul
A realisation that I may often overlook this
Yet, you are indeed like-minded and rare.
On the other side of silence, there is conversation
A free flow of words between me and you
Dispelling endless notions and stacked up perception
Removing unspoken animosity, clearing the air.
On the other side of me, there you are!
Flawed, yet loved, patient and communicating
Knowing that we are sometimes out of sync
And yet knowing that you are just, on the other side of me.
(ci·pher: Zero: one that has no weight, worth, or influence: non entity)
They tell me that space is defined by emptiness
Knowledge is compared with blankness
And time is measured by stillness
Everything starts from nothing
And is defined by the great cipher
We build and we destroy
We hope and we despair
It is all but an unknown ploy
To wipe the slate clean
To the non-entity that arises, Phoenix – like
To new beginnings and fresh starts
To crashed dreams and broken hearts
To the great Cipher that defines us all!
“I was told that she was fickle,
Her favours changed unexpectedly
Close to giving up, I asked justice divine
to intervene and change lady luck’s mind
But then I laugh, as I fall yet again
for I forget, that even justice is blind!”
Understand the language of my silence
Don’t let me go now
Call me back from the abyss of the free world
Show me that fairy tales are real
As i soar high in the skies
Secure in the knowledge of my bearings
Keep me wrapped around your finger
Never free to wander too far.
Did they not tell you the dangers of letting go?
The eventualities certain if we are asunder
For all the tugs of freedom i may give
we were never meant to stay apart.
If these are but dreams and rantings of my mind
Then I am happy to be their owner
For they afford me company in my solitude
And mine experiences are not to be stolen.
Yet I float away, turning to look back again
to seek your familiar appearance in vain
Anchor me to you once more
I was meant to stay wrapped around your finger…
And again, this one is the predicament of a girl friend at work – what can i say, I’m a sympathetic ear! 
” – Shruti
Lets just say goodbye
Keep it short and sweet
Lets not worry about
Fooling ourselves
By saying that we
Can keep it pleasant
I don’t want to be sensible
I don’t want to be nice
I’m just tired of smiling
When I’m shrinking inside
And all I want is to lash out
And watch you hurt too
Its not that I’m falling
In the abyss of love
And its not that you define
Every waking moment of mine
I can’t understand the hurt
That’s gnawing me inside
I feel a deep sense of loss
A feeling of rejection
And most of all, helpless frustration
I want you to know, what you have let go
I want you to regret, taking this step
But your eyes mirror the same confusion
Life is not fair
And we cannot influence it
So lets not worry about
Keeping up pretences
For I just cannot lie
So lets just quickly say goodbye
“For those of you who think this is autobiographical – I must state – that this is influenced from a friend – I personally have issues with oversleeping alone! ” – Shruti
Ive mapped every crack in the ceiling, every bump on the wall…
ive listened to the streets being washed, to the tune of the crickets whistling
Ive heard the pitter patter of the rain drops as they fall
And the crackling leaves in the indignant wind bristling
The endless night – restful for some
A helpless resignation with it brings on
chasing away sleep when it does come
wakefully alert, i await the dawn
Ive tried to fool my mind a lot
led it through movies, books and long drives
But a lot to dwell on with it, its got
And my focus shifts inspite of my tries
I wander through the streets of my mind
looking for whatever i cant seem to find
I scan my career and my challenges recent
I sift through my memories, history and present
I allow myself to physically tire
I know rest is what my body desires
Fleeting images of all the good i grasp
and start to spiral into nothingness fast
I wake with a start, its much too fast
The streets in my brain, beckon me again.
To their comforting call i finally succumb
The swirling thoughts my fatigue will numb.
I watched him, taking in all his finery
The painted face, pointed hat and exaggerated smile
the bundle of jokes, the sarcasm and the hilarious mockery
The court was still laughing, at his jokes a long while
The Jester peeled off his costume in minutes
Transformed himself into an ordinary man
With a lined face and a glance that rivets
Amusing people the best that he can
How conversant is he with laughter i wonder
does he too experience merriment and delight
Or is he merely the object of laughter
With no source of amusement of his own right
I put the question to him delicately
asking him for an honest response
He tilits his head and watches me intently
Smiles gently as he starts to share his stance
“Laughter is what comedy brings on
And I have plenty of that to dwell on
For I understand the true nature of comedy
It is nothing but exaggerated tragedy”
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