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(This post is another one of my journalings to myself – I find writing these thoughts down, makes me a happier person. Please bear with me! Also, the parting shot is not entirely original, it has shades of a thought expressed by Richard Bach, in the foreword of his book – Illusions: The adventures of a Reluctant Messiah. Needless to say, it is my favourite book!)
Has it ever happened to you that you step back and take a look at your life, and have this strong sense of deja vu? And you search your mind for an answer to that lingering feeling that you have been here before. Then it hits you – that some light years back, this was what you had dreamt for – innocently – holding the picture of it in your heart and surrounding it with a little halo, as you prayed desperately for it to come true? And now you are living your dream – although it has panned out not exactly as the perfect dream, but with the twists and turns that usually accompany the roller coaster ride.
I dreamt dreams of wonderful friends living together like the famous sitcom, a warm house, a flash of independence, travel and exotic learnings, a strong career, the ability to write and express, etc. etc. Initially though, it did appear as though these were unrealistic dreams, like all my peers, I too would finish my study, get a mundane job, work through its trials and tribulations, tie the knot and get caught up in the life of an average Indian girl. And that is exactly how life seemed to be turning out – so the dreams were forgotten, instead I accepted, positively, the direction of my life.
And yet strangely, my life was not cast in the same mould – for here I am, rejecting the stereotype. The seemingly insane decision to throw away a stable job and life in India was supported by my parents. And so, I was thrown in with Saee and Rijuka in Brisbane. The perfect house with its garden and wooden flooring came to us eventually, and with a twist – it had unfriendly burgling visitors. The sitcom style atmosphere has been attained in the house, after tiding over the storms that break out when three strong women live together.
The independence and career learnings showed up in classes, opportunities at work and self learnings from P. They were however initially disguised by the economic scarcity and uncertainty that surrounds student life. Art, lifestyle and expression finally made their presence felt as I found time and balance in my life. I always dreamt of writing another Illiad, but somehow this lowly blog and my journals give me as much satisfaction!
So, strangely, life has not turned out exactly as I wanted it to – and yet it has not deviated from the broad direction of my dreams. I have many more dreams – to visit Greece, gift dad his dream Mercedes some day, find that elusive soulmate, send mum and dad on an exotic world cruise, write a book (Still!!), build my perfect home by the beach, have a library and wine cellar and so on. A few months earlier, I would have shied away from expressing my dreams openly, but I am learning that naming them only helps me believe in them further.
I’m hoping that we all realise the potency of our dreams. Truly and fiercely believed in, they are the roadmap to our future. I am limited only by my imagination. I guess, I’m sitting back and enjoying the sight of life unfolding – exactly the way I have planned it to be!
The house was broken into and trashed by some desperate druggie, two days back. Rijuka and I realized that we had lost a laptop, a solitaire diamond and some watches, jewelry, a DVD player and our prized block of knives. After the excitement of the sympathetic friends, landlord, property manager, cops, et. al. had died down, we were forced to confront our missing valuables. They were probably best written off anyways.
Its a strange thing about possessions – you never really value them when they are around, but boy, does their disappearance pinch! So, it took some effort to shake off the regret and the “what – if” scenarios. That diamond was a special gift from mum two years back.
And so, we made a joke of all our missing things. Watches are so passe – completely out of style. I don’t wear one anymore. Trinkets and expensive jewelry are boring – notwithstanding that I would spend hours every morning trying to decide which piece to wear. We are now spared the pain of watching the same DVDs for the hundredth time and we never used all the knives on that block.
My room was in need of a major clean up, before the break in happened. But I was procrastinating the effort of pulling everything out and re-stacking neatly. The thief very kindly and ruthlessly put and end to my delay. Finding everything you own, strewn on the floor quickly necessitates cleaning up your wardrobe.
Rijuka was pretty upset about her missing laptop. But soon, she too was amused at the plight of the thief, who would have to deal with an extra slow-constantly-crashing piece of machinery. In retrospect, it was going to dawn on the burglar that there was really not much to gain from breaking into the home of three students.
Thats another funny thing about possessions – they come and go. And so, I lost some things – but the memories and the people associated with them, are always here with me. So this must be what Taoism calls a positive attitude!
Besides, I can now have an updated, trendy collection of trinkets and watches – and some lucky person will now have the opportunity to gift me a huge, fat solitaire diamond!! 
It is fun to work for a gay boss. Every time you let your hair down and point out a cute boy across the room, you can be sure that ten minutes later P will be chatting him up as well, the fact that P is in a secure, long term relationship not withstanding. “Eye candy” that floats past our window, as he discusses daily tasks with me, distracts him. Kym, my girl friend at work often laughingly relates the story of how P stepped out of consultation to assist the AC technician – just because he looked and smelled “absolutely divine”. While such exchanges do sound culturally shocking at first, gradually you tend to drop your shackles to enjoy and even participate in his silly capers!!
For the past week, P has been unusually ditzy. He was in the midst of hiring a new placement student to do some work for us. It was like giving him a new toy to play with. Kym and I were at our wits ends. P would disappear into little flights of fantasy over the coaching module that the new team member J was to produce. We had not yet met J, and were insanely jealous of the huge chunk of P’s attention that he was commanding. Finally yesterday, P realised that it would be best that he introduce J to us, in the better interest of preventing a mini – mutiny and to preserve peace.
And so the meeting was set up for half past ten in the morning. P was in the office early and was fretting and fussing over everything. When he flapped around my head one last time, I just wished he would settle down and relax. J drove up in his car and stepped out. P rushed to the door to escort him in, while I put on a wry grimace to greet the man.
And then I met him. He was like a combination of a Greek god and Brad Pitt. He had deep blue eyes, blonde hair and dimples. Suddenly I realised that he had his hand extended in my direction. P was saying something in the background, but my brain registered nothing. Flummoxed, I smiled stiffly and shook his hand. I needed to recover my balance after being exposed to such a vision. Fortunately P ushered J into his office and started the meeting.
I sat down with a thump on my chair and exhaled. Apparently I had been holding my breath all that while. “How can one person be that perfect?” I wondered vaguely. Kym was sitting across the room and watching the entire proceedings with amusement.
“You do realise that he is off limits”, she asked gently.
“What? Oh definitely……I just did not expect a vision to float through the office unannounced. I’m fine”.
“Then stop gawking. Come on, we have to join the meeting”.
For the next ten minutes, I sat in a daze in the meeting, while P introduced Kym and me to J. Shaking myself, I sat resolute, stiff and focussed. This meeting was such a waste of time, I thought to myself in irritation. I need to get back to my work. Fortunately it concluded before I worked myself up any further. As we walked out, J thanked us and treated us to another one of his beatific smiles.
The steely resolve I had made melted and little birdies tweeted in my brain. Were those stars I was seeing? Suddenly there was a loud crash, as I unseeingly walked into Paul’s chair. Kym was doubled up in laughter as I picked myself up with as much dignity as I could muster and closed the door behind me firmly.
My legs hurt, but my wounded pride hurt even more. At that moment, I just wish there had been a hole I could crawl into, or that the earth would open up and swallow me. Silly, treacherous hormones! While I was still cursing myself and Kym was sputtering with laughter, the door to the office opened and P sailed out talking.
“Shroooottteee, J and I were wanting some coffee and I was wondering if……..”
“C-R-A-S-H”
The sound echoed across the building. Fortunately, the partition that P had walked into was still in one piece. I made a mental note to myself about its durability. Suddenly, my fragile ego was restored. Kym had a stitch in her side from laughter, while J was looking from P to me in bemusement.
P and I just felt at home. What can I say…..Like attracts like!
Ever since classes resumed with a bang, I have had little time to spare. Work picked up pace a couple of notches as well, leaving me scuttling between the two like a headless chicken. Add to that a so-far dormant social life that suddenly decided to burst into life, and you have clear picture of the various obligations that I live with. Needless to mention, when managed badly, or when all these aspects simultaneously clamber for attention, I tend to get tired, cranky and frustrated.
After one such, long day, I returned home sombre and pensive. I was stretched too thin – nothing was getting the full attention that it deserved. I needed to plan and organise my life, and perhaps even brace myself for dropping a few activities. With so many thoughts running through my head, I decided to take a walk after dinner and clear the mind. Not wanting to appear too morose, I asked the girls if they would like to accompany me. Unexpectedly, they both peeled themselves off the couch and acquiesced.
And so we set off, swathed in shawls, since it was a chilly night and the air had a nip to it. The girls were walking ahead as I locked up and followed. Gloomily, I started to think about the day I had experienced. I had too much on my platter – maybe I had bitten off more than I could chew…..
“Shruti, which was your favourite Hindi movie as a child?” Rijuka’s voice sailed out to me over the darkness.
“Er… Mr. India I guess”, startled out of my reverie, I settled on the first name in my head.
“Lu la la lulu….Hawa Hawai”, announced Saee, prancing around in the middle of the empty road and aping the comical actress of the film. Her eyes were like little rounded marbles and she waved an imaginary folded fan in her hand.
I was distracted by the string of nonsensical gibberish that apparently heralded the start of the song. Somehow I had never really paid attention to it.
“Madam, our neighbours will get upset with your singing and call the police”, Rijuka warned matter-of-factly.
“Really? And what about all the times that you yell?” responded Saee
Sensing the onset of a vociferous Indian exchange in the street, I hurriedly changed the topic.
“I feel like an ice cream. Does anyone want anything?”
“I want a Diet Coke”, announced Saee. Sometimes I think that she will remain unconcerned by any drinking water shortage, so long as the supermarket shelves still remain burdened with cans of zero calorie, aerated waters.
We walked towards the all night counter in the nearest service station. The girls waited in the parking lot, while I walked in and picked up an ice-lolly and the soft drink.
When I walked back out, the conversation had moved along.
“We should meet even when we go back to India. But that will never happen,” said Rijuka.
“Of course it will”, said Saee. “Shruti will get married and have a big fat Punjabi wedding.”
I was still puzzling over how keeping in touch had led to the topic of my matrimony. Saee meanwhile steamed on.
“I will wear my Paithani sari. Can I be your bridesmaid and get a gift from your husband?”
Helplessly, I waited for the always-pragmatic Rijuka to tick her off for her flights of fancy.
“Good idea! What will I wear?” piped Riju.
Ah well! Everyone has her weak moments! I listened to them, amused by the castles they were building in the air. Gradually I got drawn in and we all sat in the parking lot, drinking a diet soda and eating an ice candy, planning my supposedly impending wedding. Finally we had worked it down to every last shred of detail – sufficient to shame any experienced wedding planner. Now that we had a respectable opportunity to meet up in India, it was time to go home.
We started walking towards the house slowly.
“Blooo blah blu blu blu bleah”, said Saee.
“What exactly is the matter with you now?” I asked in exasperation.
“Oh, I’m practising my French”, she announced cheerfully.
Rijuka stopped and glared at me. Maybe she thought I was the one producing those silly sounds.
“You were the one”, she pointed to me. “You met her online and agreed to live with her did you not? So you are the reason why I have to put up with her”.
“But, but, but….”, I sputtered indignantly. The rest of the sentence was lost in the cheerful cacophony of Rijuka’s accusations, my denials and Saee’s merry nonsense. We had reached home – maybe the neighbours will complain about the racket after all.
As I took off my shoes, I could not recall what the purpose of taking the walk was. Whatever the reason, I can die another day. Today had ended happily.
That’s what friends are for.
As an International student, your life is dictated by deadlines - assignment due dates, examination dates, rent remittance dates, electricity and phone bill dates, project submission dates, fee deadlines and the dreaded census date (if by this date you still owe the university any fee for the semester, they can cancel your enrollment all together) Add to this the disastrous effects of taxing one poor brain with the birthdays and anniversaries of friends and families overseas and some deadlines from work – and you will be able to somewhat imagine the the stress of being in my head.
This time, I decided to manage things effectively – which basically translates into not waiting till the eve of the deadline, before going into a frenzy. Five weeks before the deadline for the university fee, dad and I made arrangements for transferring funds from India. (I was to bear some part of the cost while the rest was to come from homeland!) The university website had it all sorted – they had “How To” documents, email intimations, online statement of accounts and bank details – all systems set up to ensure a hassle free international transaction.
Dad was still stressed out – he was habituated to the bumbling ways of the Indian banks and colleges.
“Shruti, please ensure that you make a visit to the office and confirm receipt of the telegraphic transfer”, he cautioned.
“Relax Dad!” I soothed. “This is not bureaucratic, slow India – Its a big international university, things will be very smooth”
And so, he completed the transfer of funds – with the usual heart ache that accompanies all unusual transactions in a nationalized government bank in India. There were complicated forms to fill and procedures to follow as one branch of the bank transferred money to another, Aussie dollars were purchased, and inevitably the transfer was completed in two weeks.
Amused by the time the slow, rambling machinery in India had taken, I waited for a swift acknowledgment from the university of receipt. After two weeks though, I realized that even the best processes turn up defects and perhaps it was time to pay the office a visit. Tucking my tail between my legs, I asked dad for the transaction details. Armed with these, I turned up at the fee office and enquired indignantly after my fee.
“So, have you filled out the fee remittance form?” a gentleman with an owlish set of spectacles enquired of me.
“Form?” I asked puzzled. “What form? There was no mention of a form on the website?”
“You need to fill this form and hand it over”, he said patiently, neatly side stepping my question. Evidently this was not the first time that he had heard it. “Come back to me after five working days and we will see what we have for you”.
Five days later, there was still no sign of the money on the university website. Besides, I needed to remit my end of the fee as well. Anxiously, I turned up at the counter once more.
“Oh hello!”, he greeted my cheerily. “Its you again!”
“I’m here to pay the balance. And I still have not received an acknowledgment for the International transfer”.
“It will come through, don’t worry. It’s been a busy time for the fee office, what with the start of a new semester”, he nodded knowingly at a few freshers nearby.
A few days later, I received intimation that the university had credited my fee account with the value of all but $8 of the international transfer. Perhaps there was a bank charge somewhere that got missed. The notification was for an overdue sum of $8.
The next day, I was back at the counter. He looked even worse without his owl-like frames.
“It’s really nice to get to know a student. Most people only visit once at the start of the semester”, he beamed at me.
“I’m here to pay the $8 outstanding. Had you found the money in the first place, I would not need to make so many visits”, I snarled back.
“Easy does it!”, he said. “I’m only a collection point. I have no idea about account balances. You need to go to Kelvin Grove for that.” (Kelvin Grove is the other campus of the university – a ten minute bus drive away)
Not wanting to get into any further discussion, I paid the money and left. On getting home however, my website flashed me a warning. By being $8 short, I had crossed the fee deadline and now owed the university a cancellation fee of $50. This was it. Battle lines were drawn – a girl has to stand up for what is right, at some point in her life.
The counter was starting to feel like home to me. His geeky frames were an ugly orange.
“Look who’s here!”, he laughed.
“I want to know why I should pay this overdue fine, when it was you guys who could not track the payment in the first place”, I demanded.
He held up his hands. “Hey, don’t ask me – I’m only the collection point, remember? You need to head to Kelvin Grove”
“Fine”, I muttered. “I’ll go there tomorrow to clarify”
“Thats good”, he said. “Although, today is the census date – if you still owe the university money, your enrollment will be cancelled”.
He smiled and gazed at me unfailingly. I blinked, in horror. I wanted to dance in frustration on his stupid, orange spectacles. It is amazing how my brain can work out its priorities at the speed of light under stress.
“I would like to make a payment of $50 please”, I smiled sweetly.
“Ah”, he closed his eyes in an instant of delight. “I was waiting for that all-defining moment when you would see sense. Now it shall be fine.”
Finally $50 and a few kilos of self respect poorer, I crept out of the university office. Sometimes the realities of life quickly overtake principles.
Bureaucracy apparently prevails in every corner of the world!
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